→ What Is Your Definition of Love?
knight-castle:
slangtasy:
Up until today, relationships have been dysfunctional. So many relationship experts talk about insecure human attachment styles and relationship dynamics like the classic codependent and narcissistic relationship. But they talk about these things as if they are the rarity. They aren’t the rarity. Insecure attachments and narcissistic, codependent dynamics are in fact the past and current human condition. They are the way we do relationships. And all of that is about to change.
“Because our parents did not receive true love, long before we were born, they entered a kind of self-centered bubble where they had to fight for their needs in all kinds of covert and overt ways. As a result of this, most parents have children in the first place for these self-centered reasons.
We are born with the thought and expectation that we will serve a need they have. They do not really take us as a part of themselves and they cannot really embrace us as our unique selves as opposed to what they want us to be. Most of the things they give us are transactional in nature. Because of this dynamic, it is not a true partnership that we have with our parents.
…What we learn is that true love is staying committed and connected and putting the other person first no matter what they do or don’t do to us.
…This definition sets up a dynamic whereby we chase unavailable people and abusive people and if they commit to loving us and being connected to us, in order to feel loved, we have to turn the tables. We have to start abusing them and neglecting them and even abandoning them to see if they are going to stay with us and love us and put us first still. If they do, we know that we are loved.
There is no safety in our relationships as a result. We are caught in an endless pattern of erratically hurting each other, withdrawing from each other, pushing each other away and desperately clinging to each other.
…We build relationships around power struggle. We can only see the potential of us taking the other person’s best interests as our own and prioritizing their needs and desires and them being happy about it, while our needs and desires are unimportant to them. We can only see one-way relationship.
We can only see one-way relationship because that is all there was between us and our parents. Because of this, we actually prevent love. We fight to keep ourselves separate but in relationship. We cannot risk the trust of giving ourselves to the other person and them giving themselves to us, so we can never experience the feeling of symbiotic love.
We are trapped in Ego and society supports it. It is not love to stay committed to and connected to someone regardless of what they do or don’t do to you. It isn’t love to expect someone to stay connected to you regardless of what you do or don’t do to them.”
(via preta-dreaming-deactivated20180)
